I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
