You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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