I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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