so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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