Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
only you would photoshop your dick
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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