so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
