normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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