2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
