He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
