In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
