highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
