He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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