they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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