is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
