i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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