margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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