gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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