my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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