I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
