Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
