dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
