hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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