I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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