dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Panties = found
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
