dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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