i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
