I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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