20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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