Do vagina's smell?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
