Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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