last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
