i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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