i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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