if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
