he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
