If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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