I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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