I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
