I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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