haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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