Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
