Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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