The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
