I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
