She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
