North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
