I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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