I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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