He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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