Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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