you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
BRING THE BAGELS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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