You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
