i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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