Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
