You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
