Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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