My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
