Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Everclear isn't food dammit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
