Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
