I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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